Day 19

Today's activities involved reading along with the audiobook of Mark, from The Message, a conversation about being peace with Thich Nhat Hanh and hours reading Gilead.

And that's about all there is to say! How boring it must be to read my entries. Some days I rant about things that matter to no one except me and some days I treat the smallest novelty as the greatest excitement. What was your day like? Did you rush all over town trying to accomplish more things than you have time for? Was there a daily drama at home or at work? Did you spend some amount of time hating your job or your messy home? Do you read my entries and envy my simplicity, but then think: "If I had that much time, I might go crazy, say something stupid, lacking perspective"?

The truth is, as I have mentioned before, that my stay here in PPD is definitely outside of the "real world". Prisons work this same way. The purpose of penitentiaries was originally to create a spirit of penitence in the inmates. They were based on the idea that humans are inherently good and a guilty person need only be put in a place structured to create inward reflection to create a desire for betterment in the inmate. The first penitentiary was run by Quakers, and it was beautifully crafted with high (18') vaulted ceilings in each cell designed to force the eye heavenward. At the top of each cell, there was an eye-shaped window designed to bring natural light into the cell, called the eye of God. The inmates were denied any outside contact with the world: no letters and no visits. It was even said that if someone were imprisoned before an election, they should not know who the president of the country was. All focus was to be on the heart of the inmate. While penitentiaries failed as a social experiment, I have no doubt that the prison design certainly aided in personal reflection.

PPD is hardly a prison, but there is a sense of that same outside-of-reality mood that fosters inner reflection for me. I realize that in some senses I have little perspective on the everyday busy life of everyone I know after even two weeks of such a slower pace. I wonder though if I am gaining a different perspective that can't easily be seen from inside daily life. This is not surprising, since that perspective of distance is a big reason why I came in here, but I still wonder where this is headed. I wonder if anything I gain in here will mean anything on the outside or if I will simply slip back into normality, head to the ground, stars forgotten.

I wish there was a more detailed account of Jesus' time in the wilderness. I kind of get the impression that he came out and began preaching simply because John was imprisoned. Was 40 days incidental then? Was he simply waiting until there was a prophet position opening in Israel? I'm being a bit facetious.

At Tres Dias, they talk about the Fourth Day, after the retreat is over. I wonder if Day 19 is too early to start wondering about the Forty-Third Day. Mostly, I wonder if I should set the Forty-Third Day aside and think only about what to do now or whether the Forty-Third Day is ALL I should think about, the purpose of my stay being to figure out where to go from here.

I'll tell you what I think: I think the sprinklers on the hillside outside this window, spraying away, are a pretty stupid idea after so much rain. I'm going to go read Gilead now. Enjoy your evening!